new attitude

Today was an a-ha day for me. I'm laying here with a sleeping baby in my arms and another one in his bed and he's laying on his third set of sheets for the day. Why so many sheets? There was an expertly snuck container of jello under the covers and then there was our very first poop smearing act that required cleaning the window and bed and sheets and floor....I could go on but I won't. Dawson has an ear infection, I'm positive Ellie does too. We'll verify that in the morning. The kids haven't slept more than a hour at a time for two days. And today Ellie has been throwing everything up. I worry about her. My house is dirty, the clothes need to be folded, dinner needs to be cooked and things gotten ready for tomorrow. Why do I feel so crummy? Is it because we had to stay home for the second week in a row from church? Is it James' long hours? Then I figured it out. It was my attitude.

It has been a rough few weeks for us here in the Brannon home. A lot of changes have taken place, some that I am ok with and others that I simply cannot seem to get a grasp on.

The kids are growing up so fast and it. seems like the harder I try to hold on to them, the faster times flies. It hit me when I dropped Dawson off to primary a few weeks ago. For my non-LDS family, primary is sort of like the older kids Sunday school. He simply moved from nursery into a Sunday school class but it was a huge step for me. He is my first born and I wasn't ready for the transition. He no longer requires my help in going to the restroom. I even have to stand outside the stall at the store. He dresses himself and more often than not can cook whatever he wants out of the fridge in the microwave with very little assistance. I watch him try to take care of Ellie and he seems so grown up. He tries to explain to her why we can't put things in our mouths or go in the bathrooms alone. Such a good big brother... And little miss Ellie thinks she is as big as brother. she's constantly trying to pull up on everything and can even walk along the couches and beds. She is getting to be so very beautiful and I cry at least once a day over her independence. Dawson was walking at 9 months and I was so excited but with Ellie I just want her to slow down. I want time to slow down, slow way down. My old attitude - I wish time would stop and they would stay little. My new attitude- cherish every hug, every cry and every moment I have with them. Enjoy it instead of being sad about it.

I had a horrible time trying to get school going this semester. I am not one that calls people out on their mistakes but a certain college wouldn't give up my scholarship and send the award back to the university for me. Someone made a schedule for me, without me knowing, and I was enrolled in both schools here. I was not happy when I couldn't get my scholarship awarded back to bama to pay for this semester but for once I took care of the matter all on my own. It's a big change for me. I got done in a few hours what they said would take them weeks to fix. Not on my money...a few calls to people over the dean's head and it all worked out. I even got two apology phone calls, one from the dean. It was very empowering to do it all one my own and not let James fight all my battles for me. I should be more grateful that we have zero college debt and that through Dennis' sacrifice I even earn money as I go to school. Can't get much better than that.

James has been my knight in shining armor lately. He has been working so hard lately and I can't believe how far he has come in the last few months. He works well past midnight every night and still manages to spend a few wonderful, precious hours with me and the kids. This week alone he has sold 7 kirbys. Two days this week he has managed to sell two in one day. They only do two demos a day so I'd say his record is dang good. He has worked so hard and soon all the hours will pay off when he gets his own office to open up. I have to admit that I have pick quite a few battles with him this week. I miss him so much during the day and I have had a tendancy this week to unload everything on him when he gets home. Maybe I just really want to make up. So if you are reading this baby, I just wanted to share a few things that I love so much about him....

He has tons of pics of the kids and us on his phone, and he shows them to everyone.

He forgets to get a towel out of the cabinet every morning. I don't mind bringing him one even though the cabinet is a few feet away from the shower.;)

He sleeps curled up next to me all night long. He doesn't even let the kids come crawl inbetween us. He wants to cuddle next to me.

I love watching him get ready in the mornings though I'm usually asking him to hurry up so we aren't late. And has he ever picked out his own clothes? I really don't mind that either.I love the fact that he "needs" me to help him, every morning.

He remembers all my favorite little treats and picks one up for me when I've had a rough day.

He paints my toenails and gives the BEST massages. With my back injury it doesn't take much pressure to put me to tears but he has expertly learned how to make it feel so much better.

He doesn't say anything when I pop my joints (fingers, ankles, neck, ect.) at night even though I know it makes him cringe.

He tries to cry on demand if he thinks it will help his cause. It ALWAYS makes me laugh and ends any dispute we might be having.

He really tries to understand where I am coming from even though sometimes even I don't know why I am so upset...especially when I cry because Ellie was standing in her bed that morning. I promise I'm not pergant.

I cherish our time together more and I appreciate his dedication to his family. He does this so I can stay home with our beautiful babies and enjoy them. How lucky I am to have that chance. So as I lay here with my little princess beside me, I know things will improve.....all I needed was a new attitude.

He is my best friend and even though we have had our fair share of ups and downs, I love him more today then I ever have before.