Where I belong

2009-02-23T17:15:00.000-08:00

a new day

2009-02-09T13:52:00.000-08:00

Today is the beginning of a new day for me. No details yet but the best is yet to come for my family. I'm just so very grateful for the gospel, the Atonement and the best friends/family anyone can ever ask for.

2009-02-06T13:37:00.000-08:00

For the past few weeks, Dawson has really tried our patience. I'm not sure if he's having a hard time adjusting to dad not being at home as much or if he is making up for the terrible twos that he never really went through....but we've had an exhausting time. The biggest thing is he LOVES pouring stuff out....whether its the peanut butter that was smeared on the walls and in his hair or the jelly that was painted onto his cars or the conditioner that he poured into the bathtub so he could have bubbles or the shampoo that was wasted in the sink because he thought it smelled good.....you get the idea. So where was the responsible adult who was suppose to be watching him. I was asleep. Yep, he's been getting up in the middle of the night to do all these wonderful things and returns to bed after the deed gas been done. But does he go back to his bed? nope. Our bed? nope. He slips into bed next to sister. I have no idea why. We have spent quite a few early mornings in the tub and the corner. Maybe I need a new punishment....

On another note, Ellie has this weird thing with her legs. I wish I had taken a good picture of them but she can actually turn her feet inward to the point that they point backwards. Its pretty gross looking. The doc was trying to check her hips last week when she was there but since she was so sick and very upset I made the choice to wait till we go back this week to have it checked out. Last week she had bronchits, two ear infections and a bad diaper rash. Poor baby but she's a lot better. I've been so worried about her feet though. Can't wait till Tuesday to have it checked out! Hopefully she won't have to have braces.

new attitude

2009-01-25T13:23:00.000-08:00

Today was an a-ha day for me. I'm laying here with a sleeping baby in my arms and another one in his bed and he's laying on his third set of sheets for the day. Why so many sheets? There was an expertly snuck container of jello under the covers and then there was our very first poop smearing act that required cleaning the window and bed and sheets and floor....I could go on but I won't. Dawson has an ear infection, I'm positive Ellie does too. We'll verify that in the morning. The kids haven't slept more than a hour at a time for two days. And today Ellie has been throwing everything up. I worry about her. My house is dirty, the clothes need to be folded, dinner needs to be cooked and things gotten ready for tomorrow. Why do I feel so crummy? Is it because we had to stay home for the second week in a row from church? Is it James' long hours? Then I figured it out. It was my attitude.

It has been a rough few weeks for us here in the Brannon home. A lot of changes have taken place, some that I am ok with and others that I simply cannot seem to get a grasp on.

The kids are growing up so fast and it. seems like the harder I try to hold on to them, the faster times flies. It hit me when I dropped Dawson off to primary a few weeks ago. For my non-LDS family, primary is sort of like the older kids Sunday school. He simply moved from nursery into a Sunday school class but it was a huge step for me. He is my first born and I wasn't ready for the transition. He no longer requires my help in going to the restroom. I even have to stand outside the stall at the store. He dresses himself and more often than not can cook whatever he wants out of the fridge in the microwave with very little assistance. I watch him try to take care of Ellie and he seems so grown up. He tries to explain to her why we can't put things in our mouths or go in the bathrooms alone. Such a good big brother... And little miss Ellie thinks she is as big as brother. she's constantly trying to pull up on everything and can even walk along the couches and beds. She is getting to be so very beautiful and I cry at least once a day over her independence. Dawson was walking at 9 months and I was so excited but with Ellie I just want her to slow down. I want time to slow down, slow way down. My old attitude - I wish time would stop and they would stay little. My new attitude- cherish every hug, every cry and every moment I have with them. Enjoy it instead of being sad about it.

I had a horrible time trying to get school going this semester. I am not one that calls people out on their mistakes but a certain college wouldn't give up my scholarship and send the award back to the university for me. Someone made a schedule for me, without me knowing, and I was enrolled in both schools here. I was not happy when I couldn't get my scholarship awarded back to bama to pay for this semester but for once I took care of the matter all on my own. It's a big change for me. I got done in a few hours what they said would take them weeks to fix. Not on my money...a few calls to people over the dean's head and it all worked out. I even got two apology phone calls, one from the dean. It was very empowering to do it all one my own and not let James fight all my battles for me. I should be more grateful that we have zero college debt and that through Dennis' sacrifice I even earn money as I go to school. Can't get much better than that.

James has been my knight in shining armor lately. He has been working so hard lately and I can't believe how far he has come in the last few months. He works well past midnight every night and still manages to spend a few wonderful, precious hours with me and the kids. This week alone he has sold 7 kirbys. Two days this week he has managed to sell two in one day. They only do two demos a day so I'd say his record is dang good. He has worked so hard and soon all the hours will pay off when he gets his own office to open up. I have to admit that I have pick quite a few battles with him this week. I miss him so much during the day and I have had a tendancy this week to unload everything on him when he gets home. Maybe I just really want to make up. So if you are reading this baby, I just wanted to share a few things that I love so much about him....

He has tons of pics of the kids and us on his phone, and he shows them to everyone.

He forgets to get a towel out of the cabinet every morning. I don't mind bringing him one even though the cabinet is a few feet away from the shower.;)

He sleeps curled up next to me all night long. He doesn't even let the kids come crawl inbetween us. He wants to cuddle next to me.

I love watching him get ready in the mornings though I'm usually asking him to hurry up so we aren't late. And has he ever picked out his own clothes? I really don't mind that either.I love the fact that he "needs" me to help him, every morning.

He remembers all my favorite little treats and picks one up for me when I've had a rough day.

He paints my toenails and gives the BEST massages. With my back injury it doesn't take much pressure to put me to tears but he has expertly learned how to make it feel so much better.

He doesn't say anything when I pop my joints (fingers, ankles, neck, ect.) at night even though I know it makes him cringe.

He tries to cry on demand if he thinks it will help his cause. It ALWAYS makes me laugh and ends any dispute we might be having.

He really tries to understand where I am coming from even though sometimes even I don't know why I am so upset...especially when I cry because Ellie was standing in her bed that morning. I promise I'm not pergant.

I cherish our time together more and I appreciate his dedication to his family. He does this so I can stay home with our beautiful babies and enjoy them. How lucky I am to have that chance. So as I lay here with my little princess beside me, I know things will improve.....all I needed was a new attitude.

He is my best friend and even though we have had our fair share of ups and downs, I love him more today then I ever have before.

Pictures! finally...

2009-01-19T16:45:00.001-08:00

Here are a few pictures from all our adventures lately!
Ellie eating leaves...check out her shoes!

my blue eyed baby..

My handsome little man....

first Sunday in primary..very sad moment for me

Christmas...

Dawson jumped off the kitchen table the other day and he thought I was there to catch him but he landed on the floor face first...we call these his superman wounds! It looked a lot worse in person!

These are from James' motorcycle wreck, no picture of the bruises though...
the skin at the top where it is double stitched actually died, yuck!

I'll post more later on!

Kirby!!!

2009-01-08T21:34:00.000-08:00

So today I got to use our new Kirby vacume cleaner and boy was I impressed! It cleans so well! I thought I had done a good job cleaning earlier that day and to give a little credit to myself we did have a four legged friend stay inside with us all day after I mopped the hardwood, but that vacume picked up so much stuff! The thing that kind of grossed me out was using it on our bed. Its only about a month old but still a lot came out of it. Afterwards I was informed I did it wrong since on a pillow top you are suppose to vacume through the sheets. Oh well! And I washed the bathroom mats today and James used it on them and it picked up dirt! No one had even been in there. Maybe it's time for a new washer. We used the demo filters all night just so we could see how much stuff was picked up. It was fun and a very purifying experience!

Update!

2009-01-08T07:36:00.000-08:00

Everything is going great right now. We are done with potty training and it only took that week! I'm so excited to only have to change Elie's diapers now. Maybe we should start her next week....no, I'm so sad she is crawling and that she is pulling up on everything already. On top of that, Dawson started primary last week. When did he ever get old enough for primary?? He didn't even really miss me until he got his fingers shut in the bathroom door, then he wanted mommy and daddy. I cried a lot on Sunday. They grow up so fast!!

We were released as ward missionaries and called as nursery leaders! I'm a little excited and a little nervous about it. It'll be fun though and Ellie will have somewhere to play during class since she thinks she's so big now!

School has started again....I think I am really excited about that though I'm not really sure. I like taking classes and I am getting really close to graduationg (finally!) so thats a plus. And as guilty as I feel the first week of classes about leaving the kids, by the second week I am glad for the "me" time. I'm taking 19 hours this semester in hopes of finishing sooner. There will be lots of late nights and early mornings but thats ok. Ellie is an early riser anyway. I hope one day to look back on this and be able to smile at all these hard times. I want my kids to know how important an education is and that if you can set your mind to something, you can do anything.

I finally got my pictures off my camera so tomorrow look for lots of phots!

still going strong!

2008-12-17T08:45:00.000-08:00

So we had an accident the first night with Dawson sleeping in underwear and one later on the next morning but since then we have been dry! He even got up in the middle of the night to potty! So no wet sheets this morning and I had let him sleep in a little bit. We're ready for another great day! This is a lot easier than I thought.....

Dawson has been saying lots of funny things lately. The other day he took a pillow off our bed and was pushing it around the floor. I caught him and told him thanks for adding to the laundry pile for the day. His response.....no problem mom! He also makes up conversations for everyone who can't speak for themselves (sister, the dogs, scoop the tractor) each morning Dawson helps me feed and water the dogs and he'll use this "deep" voice and say "mommy give me my food, hurry mommy" I guess that's what Duke and Leo are thinking when we feed them. Silly boy!

I just wanted to let James know I was proud that he passed the initiation to the car club. He was voted into the No Limits club this week. I wasn't to excited about the club at first but after meeting everyone and seeing all the wonderful things they do to help the community, I had a change of heart. They definetly aren't your run of the mill car club.....at least from the ones I saw in Huntsville. Congrats baby! I also want to say what a wonderful husband I have. He has been working from 6-9 almost everyday for the past few weeks so we can have a great Christmas and get completely out of debt. He works really hard during the day and still comes home and plays with the kids and spends time with me. I don't know how he manages all of it but I am so proud of him! Thank you sweetheart!!!!!

Day one.....

2008-12-15T19:31:00.000-08:00

So before Ellie was born we started potty training with Dawson and he did really well. I thought this would be so easy and we'd be done in no time. He caught on fast......then we hit a major road block......sister was born. From the day we brougt her home, Dawson has refused to go to the potty. Oh he'll occansionally go, if he's naked or if he thinks he can go with Dad in the store. I even threatened to not let him turn 3 (I kinda feel bad about telling him that) if he didn't start using the bathroom. He CAN do it, he just doesn't want to do it. I heard from a friend at church that she just quit letting her son wear diapers and within a week he was popping and peeing in the toliet. So I ran out of pull ups Sunday night and decided that was it. No more diapers, period. He wore one of Ellie's to bed (yes, he's little enough in the waist to wear her size 2 diaper. He can actually wear a 1 but its somewhat short in the behind ) and this morning we took it off and have been diaper free all day. We went to the store for a few hours, played outside the majority of the day and had a nap without ANY accidents. Not one!!!! He is even in bed with his underwear and told me he wouldn't pee on Bob the Builder tonight. (I'm glad I got him those sheets last week! Extra motivation!) Why didn't we do this sooner?! I know he will mess up sometime but I am so proud of him. I kept telling him every hour or so that I was really happy and proud he was still dry. He gave me huge high fives and hugs. Hopefully the rest of this week goes as well as today. Keeping my fingers crossed!

7 months!

2008-12-08T04:41:00.000-08:00

Ellie is now 7 months old as of today. I can't believe my little girl is that old. Here are a few things that she is doing.....

Sitting up by herself

She has one tooth and a few more on there way

Smile, laugh, giggle

Blow baby bubbles

Feed herself toast/crackers

Pick up her toys and play with them

Make really cute noises when she awakes even though she gets up at 5 in the morning..

Sleeps from 8-5 during the night

Loves playing with her big brother and laughs constantly at him (is that a good thing?)

And the biggest one of all......she's crawling!!! She has been army crawling for weeks now and even had a few days when she would do an inch worm crawl. She would tuck her legs under her, stick her butt straight up in the air and slide forward on her arms. But now she has been crawling on her hands and knees for a few days. She's still a little wobbly and can only go about 3-4 feet before she falls but we can count it right?

We are so glad to have Ellie in our home. She is a wonderful little girl. Happy 7 months princess!!

8 Tag

2008-11-30T05:33:00.000-08:00

8 places I like to eat…
Cypress Inn
Macaroni Grill
TGI Fridays
Cracker Barrel
City Cafe
Longhorn's
Mugshots!
IHOP

8 shows I like to watch…
CSI
American idol
Anything on the food network or HGTV
That's about it

8 things that happened yesterday…
It took 6 hours to make an 1 1/2 drive home from Gadsden (altenator belt came off and kept coming off)

James went and bought me tons of stuff to help me get over my cold....thanks baby!

I got tons of fresh garden veggies from Belinda....yummy!

Our neighbor came over and stayed later than I wanted him to

Dawson "played" his Bob the builder song for me on the piano

I picked out lots of toys for the kids Christmas

Both my kids went to sleep early........thank goodness!!!!

I came home from vacation to a clean house......I love coming home to a clean house and I will become obsessive about cleaning before go out of town......who are we cleaning for (Crystal).....the robbers!

8 things I love about Fall…-
Cool weather

Pretty leaves especially in Gadsden and Huntsville

Family gatherings

Cute sweaters and hats

Late nights curled up with my hubby in front of the fire place

Hearty soups and stews for dinner....they are the one thing I have never messed up knock on wood..

The festive mood everyone seems to be in all the time

The great sales this time of year

8 things on my wish list...
A new car

to finally have Dawson feel better....he's been sick for two weeks now

To travel to Italy just for lunch one day

Just be able to go anywhere I want to without having to worry about planning for it or the cost

For everyone in my family to at least give the gospel a chance...it's such a wonderful thing!

To give my kids the best start they can possibly have and for them to find true happiness in their life

To learn to not look back so much and fret over the past.

For it to snow enough to play in this year.

8 people I’m tagging…
Ann
Jessica
Joane
Sis Beck
Kim s
Megan
Kim
Kira

I can't rememer who has all done it so if you have sorry!!

Thanksgiving and Iron Bowl

2008-11-30T04:56:00.000-08:00

We had a great Thanksgiving! We spent the weekend at my dad's in Gadsden and had a small Thanksgiving dinner with the family. Belinda did a great job! We had some trouble getting over there that made us a little late, the altenator wasn't working prpoerly but thanks to my wonderful husband and some redneck engineering (there are no part stores open on Thanksgiving)we made it just fine. I'm really thankful he knows so much about working on cars! Ellie really enjoyed Nana's sweet potatoes and Dawson ate plenty of the ham. But poor Dawson has had a bad cough all weekend which has dampened the weekend a little bit. I did get to hit the stores early Friday morning and that was a blast! We got some great deals and a few times we got the last item left! So we were standing at Wal-Mart in the toys department and were trying to decide if Ellie would be old enough for this walker/ride on toy when some lady picks it up off the shelf. She asks Belinda - Were you looking at this? Belinda tells her yes and she GAVE it to us! What the crap! It was the last one on the shelf and the last one in the store......poor girl, you can't be that nice on black Friday! Next time we looked at something, we put it in the buggy first then talked about it! We only spent a few hours out, from about 4:30 till 11:00 because for the second half we had Ellie and it was pretty cold out! The only thing we didn't get to do was to go see the lights at Noccalula Falls. Dad lives a few miles from them and they are so beautiful!!! You can takea train ride through the whole park and they have plenty of animals for the kids to pet and look at but it rained everyday and when it rains, they lose it down. I guess it gives us an excuse to come back!

A little update on James- he's doing alright but he's still pretty sore. His arm has almost healed up but part of the skin they used to close the wound has died and it has reopened. Pretty gross!! So tomorrow he will have to have it restitched and hopefully it will work this time. He took the rest of the stichtes out himself. Yuck!

All I want to say about the Iron Bowl is that it was the best game this year. To completely shut out auburn made my week! We watched the game with my dad and Tommy (both bama fans) and Belinda and Noah(both auburn fans) so I tried to be nice and not cheer as loud as I wanted to but as soon as the game was over James and I went to the kitchen and did a victory dance. Sweet victory!!! Roll tide!!!!!!!!! To make the game even better, both my sick kids slept through it. I'm glad they got to rest and I could watch the game uninterrupted. Roll tide roll! Gators here we come!

it happened.......

2008-11-13T19:09:00.000-08:00

So today the inevitable happened. James totaled out his Harley. I knew it would happen, I just wish it had happened on a different week. We buried my grandfather a few days ago and I'm not over that and its a story to tell when I feel better about it. James is alright.....right now he has quite a few stitches and we are waiting on the rest of the tests to come back. So far there are no broken bones. Hopefully there are no internal injuries either.

So let's start from the beginning. I wasn't to thrilled about him riding the motorcycle but boys will be boys and he has had the motorcycle for about two weeks now and he has riden it constantly! But today I've felt weird all day. Other than going to class I stayed home and cleaned my house since it was neglected during the past week. But everytime James called I had the feeling to tell him extra that I loved him and to be careful. Somehow I knew it would be today. How grateful I am that I had that promoting!!! I was about to start dinner when I thought to call James and see where he was since he was a little late. I had the nagging feeling that something wasn't right. He answered and told me he had just wrecked the bike and I needed to come get it before they towed it off. Man was I scared!!!! I dressed the kids and had to change the carseats into the truck and take off. Luckily he wrecked near the house and it didn't take me long to get there. He was in the back of the ambulance when I got there so I checked on him, kissed him, all that good stuff then set out to try to get that nearly 500 pound motorcycle into the back of the truck. Thankfully there were three guys there to help - well do most of the work- and the truck is lowered a good bit. James, this is the only time I will be thankful you got us in so much trouble lowering that truck!!;) After we got the bike loaded, I followed the ambulance to the hospital. I have never seen so many people in the ER before!! There were tons of trauma patients and James was one of them. I was so grateful that Megan was working that night and got us back to the x-rays really fast! And she was so sweet to spend extra time with James helping him when he needed it. She was a life saver as were the home teachers who came by and gave James a blessing. And thank you so much Palmer family for watching the kids!!! That is a blessing beyond expression!!! So now we are just waiting for the CT scan to come back. He's throwing up a lot and that is worrying me but with his stomach problems it could just be stress. Let's hope so!

So how did this happen.... It has rained here off and on all day so the roads are wet and according to the witnesses a lady cut James off and stopped in front of him. He couldn't stop in time so he rear ended her and flipped over his handle bars and over her car!that's all he remembers! I know it hurt!

And so we wait.....I will update tomorrow and post some pictures. Thank you to everyone who called, came by or who are helping out. It means a lot to us to see how many people care and how many have sacrificed to help us out tonight! I also want to express my deep gratitude for the temple and the covenants we make.there. I know James was protected tonight. You can physically see the evidence with the road rash never going past his knees or elbows. I was told tonight that I would have lost my husband if he hadn't been wearing his helmet but I know it would have been worse if other commandments hadn't been kept either. I know Heavenly Father watches over us and loves us dearly. I don't know what I would have done had we lost James tonight.I am so glad for the protection he received tonight.

Veteran's day

2008-11-11T20:04:00.000-08:00

I wanted to personally thank all the men and women who have served our country. It takes a special kind of person to fight for people you have never met and to put your life on the line for them as well. I think it is a noble and Christlike way of life. I would like to express my deep gratitude and respect for Dennis, Papaw, Grandad and granddaddy for their service in the Navy and Army. I love you guys more than I could tell you. Thank you again for all you have done for us!

Dawson

2008-11-11T17:04:00.000-08:00

This is a little late but........

Dawson has turned 3!! I can't believe our little boy is 3 years old. It seems like yesterday we were rushing to the hospital to have him. So here's a little bit about Dawson and a few things you might not know about him.....

Dawson was born on Nov 3, 2005 at 846 in the morning. He was in a huge hurry to get here because we almost didn't make it to the hospital. My water broke at the house and when we got to the hospital you could already see his head. But everything turned out just fine and we even made it home in time for the Alabama game that Saturday.

His first year was great. He slept through the night by six weeks and it seemed like he never cried. Cousin Savannah taught him how to crawl at 8 months while we were visiting my sister in WA. A month later he was walking all over the place and hasn't slowed down yet!

We had no big injuries during his first year but as soon as he turned two he stuck his finger in a door and broke it. A few weeks later he fell in the bathtub and chipped his front tooth. I have yet to find a dentist who will fix it without putting a silver cap on it. It won't hurt him so we haven't put a cap on it since its his front tooth. Now bruises and cuts are a daily thing.

Dawson has grown into his nickname hot rod. Everywhere he goes he acts like a car. Seriously, he will stand in one spot and "rev" his engine up then take off while shifting gears. He can sound just like a car shifting. He even gets the number gears right. It's quite funny to watch! Needless to say, he loves any kind of car. He loves Thomas the train, Diego, Bob the builder and anything having to do with Lightening McQueen. He loves to play footballs and soccer. And dawson loves to run!!!! He also loves to help dad fix anything he can. He has his own set of tools that he uses to work on his toy cars.

Dawson thinks his daddy rules the world. He is his daddy's shadow. He even asks dad to move the sun if it gets in his eyes. How cute! Dawson is also a spitting image of James. Anyone who has seen James when he was little can atest to this. Anywhere or anything dad does Dawson wants to do too.

Some of Dawson's favorite things to say....
What's that for?
Let's take the truck daddy! (notice mommy and sister are not invited to ride in the truck)
I can't find the word!( this is when he gets tongue tied)
Ship!! (yes, he's trying to say a different word, not a good word but we won't blame dad for teaching it to him!)
That makes me nervous!(he got that one from me...I say it all the time)
I can't believe this! (usually he says this when he gets in trouble or has to ride in the shopping cart)

Some of Dawson's favorite foods......chicken and french fries(he will only eat these when we go out to eat. Good luck getting him to eat something else!)
Strawberries especially at Pa-pa's house
Hot dogs
Any fruit really
Green beans but only because of Grammy......thanks mom!

We had orginally planned to have him a birthday party at mom's the following weekend but we had an unexpected event happen so we'll have to reschedule. James and I did take hime out to the Mercedes museum which he LOVED and out to dinner at Ryan's. Dawson gave the waiters an evil look when they sang him happy birthday!!! We also took him to Toy's R Us to pick out a gift. Later that night we gave him a few more presents and had a birthday cake for him. Since he's been getting presents all week long from various family members, he thinks it's still his birthday! Thank you again!

We love you Dawson! You are wonderful big brother and the best son we could ask for. Happy 3rd birthday Dawson!!!!!!

2008-09-24T07:18:00.000-07:00

Here are a few pictures of the kids from over the summer...
We took Ellie swimming in July, she didn't like it to much! Eventually she warmed up to the idea of swimming Dawson loves the movie Cars. It's been out for years now but it's still pretty big and it's about the only thing we watch when he's awake. We got him his own camping chair...it's Lightening McQueen and the shoes as well but those were retired shortly after this photo A few of my favorite pictures of Dawson in Dad's sunglasses....
And one of me and my babe.. Ellie's first trip to Mugshots (my favorite hamburger place in T'town, if you have a chance, try the peanut butter burger. I know it sounds gross but it's really good. The owner gave one to James to try and he brought it home to share and it was actually good. I wouldn't order it all by itself but we will get another burger and the peanut and split them. It's good that way. )

We took the kids to the park alot as well. Here are a few of my favorites from then...

I think Ellie looks a lot like me....
And a few more of the kids after church one Sunday...

Alright, that's enough photos for one day. Hope everyone enjoys them!

2008-09-09T08:34:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a while since we've posted anything on our blog. Can I blame it on having another child around now? Things have been busy with adjusting to our now 4 month old ( I can't belive she's that old!) and with school starting again. I always have such a hard time with getting into classes. Apprently I can't fill paper work out very well because this is the second semester I had to start late because I answered one question wrong, the same one I messed up last semester. But after a while and the school getting shut down for the hurricane, I've finally started classes.

The kids are wonderful. Dawson is so independent. He likes to dress himself and pick out his own clothes. He has this yellow tank top he loves to wear and I have to sneak it away during his bath so I can wash it. I don't know why he likes it so much but he would wear it every day if I let him. And he loves Ellie. I don't think she cares all that much for him but he loves to hug on her and kiss her all the time. Sometimes she will smile and laugh at him but more than not she gives him "the look". He doesn't like her to sleep. He'll yell "Ellie, wake up!" if she falls asleep in someone's lap. Poor girl, she better get use to it though. Ellie rolls over and smiles and even laughs now. I have enjoyed having her around so much. It's not as different as I thought it would be.

I'll have lots of pictures to put up later this week but I thought I would catch everyone up!

Everything is changing..

2008-05-19T07:37:00.000-07:00

Things have been so different since Ellie has come home. They haven't been bad...just different. We have a different schedule, different things to do and it has been a lot of fun. Dawson still hasn't gotten that jealous bug yet and I'm hoping he doesn't. He loves to hold Ellie and I've caught him picking her up twice (scared me really bad!). He always wants to play with her and loves to throw balls at her....he has a hard time understanding that she can't catch them!! But he makes sure she is in the room when we say prayers at night ( he tries making her fold her arms....still working on that!) and he loves to have her lay in bed with him while we read books.

Ellie is a such a good baby. She sleeps at least 4 hours at a time and usually only cries when she wants something. She likes to cuddle but she doesn't mine being by herself either. Our biggest problem is the cat being jealous of her. He is use to getting a lot of attention and we've neglected him lately.

We took the kids (wow, that looks weird) to the Quad to play yesterday. It was such a pretty day and we had a great time. Dawson chased squirrels around the trees and Ellie caught the attention of everyone who passed by.

I did accidently bloody Dawson's nose the other day. He was jumping over my leg, a game we play alot, and I moved my leg and he landed face first on the ground. His nose bleed so badly! He cried for a few minutes and I cried for a while. I felt so bad! But now we've had our first bloody nose. I tried taking a picture of it but they didn't turn out to well. Oh well! We'll have to be more careful next time!
a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_Gn4Jwnv6hk8/SDGSlYZWXaI/AAAAAAAAAHw/hzy6BixE00I/s1600-h/DSC02279.JPG">
Flowers Dawson picked for Ellie James playing Dawson like a guitar

She's here!

2008-05-13T17:09:00.001-07:00

I know this has taken almost a week for me to do but Ellie is finally here and we have pictures!

On Thursday morning I started having contractions but they weren't to bad so I went and finished my exams and folded some clothes and I even spot cleaned the carpet in our living room. We went to the hospital aorund 2:30 that afternoon. By then I was almost 7 centimeters. Thankfully Megan came and took Dawson for us. (Such a life saver!) Things progressed normally from there. We decided to speed things up a bit and we broke my water around 8:30...then everything nearly stopped. But after some medications, my contractions came back and Eloise Michelle Brannon entered the world at 11:52 on May 8th weighing 7 pounds, 1 ounce and 19 1/4 inches long!!

We are really glad to have her here. And thank you so much for everyone who came and visited us and has brought us meals. You guys are truely a blessing! Dawson has really taken to Ellie too. He knew exactly who she was when they brought her in the room. He said "There Ellie, I lub you" So sweet! He tries holding her all the time and loves to sing to her.

We'll post more later but enjoy the pictures of our newest member!

Friday is the big day!!

2008-05-07T19:29:00.000-07:00

We went the doctor today and we decided to have Ellie on Friday. I'm at 5 centimeters today and I don't want to want any longer. Actually there is a good chance we won't even make it until Friday according to the doctor. As long as it's after lunch tomorrow, I don't care at all! Reality is finally setting in. There is still alot that needs to be done before she gets here and not much time left to do it all. My biggest thing is to make tomorrow extra special for Dawson. I really hope he doesn't feel left out when she gets here. I keep telling him that everyone is coming to see him and Ellie, not just because she's going to be coming home with us. I"m not really sure he understands. I do know that the other day he was sitting in my almost nonexstience lap and had his hand on my belly when Ellie kicked him really hard. He jerked his hand away and said "What's that for Mommy?" He didn't care for her moving under him very much!

We took Dawson swimming today again. James and Dawson usually go everyday while I cook dinner but today I decided to go too. It was a little cold but very fun. Dawson said he was going to drink the pool and I think he really tried!

He was so proud of himself for walking down the first three steps all by himself. The water was almost to his shoulders at the bottom.

James wanted to take pictures of me and Dawson but at this point in the game, I don't think so but here are a few of my favortie pictures of the two of them.

James tried splashing Dawson too. I think the picture turned out pretty cute.

Finals are almost over. Only one left to go and so far I've done good on all of them...I'm so glad this semester is almost over!

2008-05-03T20:57:00.001-07:00

***This is not for those with weak stomachs....we will be talking about poop.***

This week has seem to hold a common theme for us. Up until now, Dawson has never been concerned about what comes out of his bum but now it is a real fanstination for him. We've been potty training (again!) and he won't poop in the potty. He'll ask for a diaper than do his business. Twice this week he has rubbed the poop all over his walls. We've had sme serious talks about how yucky that was and how it might make us sick. After the second time, I thought I was done cleaning up others poop. Wrong! We woke up this morning to a horrible smell coming from the bathrooms. Apparently the sewer had backed up into our bathtubs and overflowed one of our toliets. It was the grossest thing I have ever seen or smelt! It took them until after lunch to finally get the drains working again...but we still had to clean the mess up. After about an hour and a half of scrubbing ever inch of both bathrooms, I think we got it all. I have never used so much bleach and Comet at one time but I feel assured that there isn't the slighest bit of anything left. James is cleaning the carpets for me right now just so all the floors are clean and there's no chance any germs are around. Hopefully we won't wake up to this ever again!

But other than our adventure this morning, today was fun. We met up with some friends at the park. The boys played soccer and I even had a few minutes of adult conversation without hearing "hey mommy, hey mommy...". The boys even went swimming after we got home and all the elders came over for dinner. Poor Dawson was exhausted by the end of the day. But he's sleeping so soundly now! This is a picture of Dawson and Will from today. Will is our neighbor across the hall and Dawson's adopted big brother.

One Down, Four to go..

2008-05-01T08:13:00.000-07:00

This week has flown by! Tuesday we had a cooking class at church which was so much fun! We learned how to cook light and I have been craving salads ever since. I went to the store to find some fresh lettuce but it was gross looking. I haven't had a chance to go back and look again.
Wednesday we had our doctor's appointment. I am glad t o say that everything is going good (other than the 2 pounds I gained this week...what happened to losing the weight?) and we are currently at 4 centimeters and PRAYING nothing changes before next Thrusday. My last test is at 11:30 that day so if she could just hold off one more week....If it weren't for finals, they would have induced me yesterday. But the Doc said if we wanted to (and assuming she hasn't made her appearance) we could have little miss Ellie next Friday. Reality hit when she said that. I could have another child by next weekend..crazy! I'm excited for her to get here but I hope she waits till I finish this semester.Plus my doctor was kind enough to go on vaction this week. I really don't want anyone else delivering her.
Today I took one of my finals. At least that one is done and it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. But it's off to study for tomorrow's...I'll post some new pictures up this weekend when life calms down a little!

I got tagged!

2008-04-28T11:26:00.000-07:00

A. Attached or Single? attached
B. Best Friends? James, of course
C. Cake or Pie? I love anything sweet but the Oreo pies are awesome
D. Day of choice? Sunday, we have an excuse not to go anywhere or do anything other than church
E. Essential item? my craftmatic bed, well worth the money it cost. I have never slept on a more comfortable bed.
F. Favorite color? red!!
G. Greatest Accomplishment? my family
H. Hometown? It's a tie between Gulf Shores and Uriah, I like them about the same and spent equal amounts of time in both
I. Indulgences? I eat Blue Bell Vanilla ice cream and fresh strawberries after Dawson goes to bed every night. Though I ran out of berries last night....note to self to go to the store AGAIN today
J. January or July? July, no school!
K. Kids? 1 1/2? Dawson and Ellie -who will make her appearence in the world very soon, less than three weeks!
L. Life is incomplete without? my family of course but I don't know if I could live without my "me" time, very important to me or unlimited long distance, I enjoy bugging my family all the time
M. Marriage date? May 28, 2005....a few weeks away!
N. Number of siblings? 10 - 2 step sisters, 3 step brothers, 3 half brothers, 1 bio bro and 1 bio sister, I think that's everyone
O. Oranges or Apples? Apples, granny smith's are my favorite
P. Phobias or fears? I'm still afraid of butterflies, not run away freaking out scared but I don't like them to be near me at all. A little weird, I know but hey- if I have to have one flaw...lol, just kidding!
Q. Quotes? It's nice to be important but more important to be nice
R. Reason to smile? my family and soon I will be able to see my toes again and wear normal clothes (and hold my little girl!)and classes are over next week!!!!
S. Season? I love them all but I like all the holidays during the winter
T. Tag three friends? Kim, Joane, and Elizabeth
U. Unknown fact about me? I'm pretty open so I don't know.....I can BS my way through almost any paper/essay question. I don't know how this happened but its not the first time, I had an essay question on a test a few weeks ago that I knew nothing about and one I knew (or thought I knew) everything about and I scored higher on the one I made up stuff about. Weird, but so is that professor....happens all the time though!
V. Very favorite store? TJ Max, Kirkland's, Goody's...any place I can find a good deal really
W. Worst habit? Putting things off until the very last minute....isn't that paper due this week...and finals are next week....
X. X-ray or Ultrasound? Ultrasounds, I get to have one on Wednesday! We're trying to see how big Miss Ellie is, I'm measuring a few weeks ahead of schedule
Y. Your favorite food? chocolate and strawberries and when the two get together, it's magic!
Z. Zodiac? Aries

Take me out to the ball game....

2008-04-26T08:42:00.000-07:00

Last night we took Dawson to his first baseball game. Alabama played Auburn at home and even though we lost 5-4, it was still a great game. We had four of the Elders meet us there so that was neat too. One of them is from Jamacia and had never watched a baseball game before. Dawson couldn't decide if he liked the game or thought it was boring. He nearly fell asleep a few times but we didn't get there until 8:30 and he's usually in bed by 8.
They have fireworks on Friday nights (one ofthe reasons we went to this particular game) and we thought he would like them but he didn't. I think it was the lack of sleep combined with the loud noise but Dawson got a little upset by them. One the way home he wanted to see more fireworks though, go figure. I'm glad we got to go. Maybe we'll go to a few earlier games next week!

Recess on the Quad!!

2008-04-23T20:22:00.000-07:00

Today was awesome! The Univeristy is very good about doing lots of cool things for the students and today was one of those days. They had tons of games, inflatables, free food!!, and cratfs for everyone to do for a few hours to help relieve the stress of finals. We went for about an hour and a half after my classes today. The boys got to slide down the huge slide and even the Elders came out and joined us. The best part was I got to spend some much needed time with my best friends Jennifer. We've known each other since we were 6 and even though we grew up on opposite ends of the state, it's funny how similar we are. I guess that's why we've stayed friends for so long!! We haven't gotten together as often as we would have liked this semester but we have at least one more year together before she moves to Huntsville. I love her to death and I envy the fact that she can embarrass James.....no one else has done it. She can tell you that story! Dawson also got to break the Elmo pinata and there was this mechanical bull there that was just to much fun to resist. Yes, I got on the bull ( 9 months prego and all!) with Jenn.....only for the picture though! James thought it was such a bad idea, he wouldn't even help me on the thing! But it was fun...alot of fun! James tried riding it a few times but never quite made it to the 8 seconds. Poor Dawson didn't want anything to do with it!

We also had a doctor's appointment today. I'm 9 months today and doing fine. I lost another 1.5 pounds, I don't know if you are suppose to do that but I'm not complaining. The thing I don't get...I've had ice cream after dinner every night for the past two weeks. It seems to help my heartburn (which I got a prescription for today....probably more excited about that than I should be!) But I'm 2 centimeters now, I'm not worried, I stayed that way for a month with Dawson. She's head first, thank goodness and everything is normal. The doctor says Mother's Day weekend is when we'll have her, I'm saying May 16th and James is saying May 20th. We'll have to wait and see!

We had the two of the Elders over tonight again. Will and Jennifer ate with us as well. We had a good discussion about the gospel with them. I love to have the missionaries teach in our home. Sometimes it's a little hetic with Dawson running around but he's learning to sit and be still during the lessons. The Spirit is just so strong and I love hearing about the Restoration over and over again. I think I learn something new or think about it a little differently each time. I love hearing the basic principles of the church taught. I think that's why I love going to the Gospel Principles class instead of the adult Sunday school. Everything is so basic, so simple yet so profound. It was a wonderful way to end our fantastic day!

Here are a few more of my favorite pictures from today....

2008-04-21T20:27:00.000-07:00

Today I got my grades from all my classes. I guess they let you know in advance so you know how hard you have to study for finals.....I'm doing good in all my classes, thank goodness! I have two classes that you have to master certain criteria in order to pass. So even if you make a B in the class, if you fail one of the topics, you fail the class. I thought it was crazy but they're part of our teaching classes. It makes sense that you have to master the material. But as of right now, as long as I don't bomb the finals, I'll pass with no problem. I'm almost sad to see this semester end but than again, not really! I think I'm most excited about selling my books back this week. Since I get them off a scholarship.....free money for me! Yay!

We had all 6 of our elders over for dinner tonight. We try to feed them at least twice a month ( all of them together). Sometimes we make it, sometimes we don't but it's always so much fun having them over. Dawson loves having all those "big boys" over to play with. He has one favorite, Elder Cardoso. He's from Mexico and has been out for about a year I think and Dawson thinks the world of him. He calls him Hawks, who was his first companion here. I'm not sure why he won't call him by his real name but Hawks it is for now. (I know he knows Cardoso's name because that's what he calls him when he not around) As soon as he gets here, Dawson pulls him into his room to play with and has to sit next to him at the table. I hope that being around the elders so much and having family membes serve missions will help Dawson to go when he gets older. I'm praying it will be an easy decision for him.

I have a few pictures from our trip back home that I finally loaded onto the computer. Jut thought I would share them with everyone! Yes, James is very dirty because he had to change a tire and it being Monroeville, there's not a tire store open on Sunday's so he and Bro. Marion improvised....aka, they had to blow the tire onto the rim. Very interesting!!

Bird Feeders

2008-04-20T18:49:00.000-07:00

I've been promising Dawson for the past few weeks that we would make bird feeders. The plan was to do it with a few of his friends but between Brooklyn moving and it being cold when Kaeli was here we never got around to it. So we finally made them yesterday. They were just the simple pinecones rolled in peanut butter and bird seed but he really enjoyed making them. We have even had a few birds "stop by" the house and eat off of them! Dawson tried eating them as we were making them. It was funny watching him try to get all the bird seed off of his tongue. He didn't like the way it tasted. Hopefully he won't start eating the cat's food next!

Today is also Uncle Chuck's birthday. He is on a mission in Raleigh NC and is quickly approaching his one year mark in July. I am so proud of him going and for how much he has grown already. He's currently in Rockingham NC and is training a greenie. Happy 20th Chuck!

All boy....

2008-04-18T19:32:00.000-07:00

There is nothing girly about our little man and he, like most boys, loves making bodily noises. After I helped him get dressed today, he had an awful noise come from his rump. I went to check if there was anything to be cleaned up ( it sure sounded like it needed to be!) and Dawson starts laughing so hard he can hardly stand up. It was just gas but the smell was HORRIBLE! Dawson says, "I have gas on Mommy!" and laughs even harder. Everyone he has talked to today, from Daddy to the check out lady at Wal-Mart, he has told them that he had gas on me. LOL, sometimes kids say the darnest things. He made up for the lack of sweetness ealrier at bed time. We always read a few books together after family prayer and tonight as we were reading Dawson sang a song to me. Granted, it was as loud as he could possibly be, he had the cat by his neck and it was so random it was hard to keep track of but it was so cute too. The most I could make out of it was that the cat was his baby and he "lobed" him and his cars race really fast. I wish I had recorded it. It is something I could have shown on his first date! He is always singing songs so maybe I will try to catch one on video this week.

Only two weeks of classes left then finals!! I can't believe this semster is over already. Sometimes it seems like we haven't been going very long, other times it feels like it has been forever. I'm glad I went back to school though. I have spent so much time taking care of our family that is was a nice break to have a few hours a day all to myself. At first it was hard leaving Dawson with the babysitter and not being worried about him but now I look forward to it. It's not that I don't love being around him, just the opposite is true, but I have found part of myself that I forgot was there. I think I am a better wife, mom and individual because I take this time out for myself. I've always ejoyed learning new things and having challenges to overcome and going back to school hasn't been any different. My perspective on class has been completely changed. It means more now and surprisingly I use a lot of the stuff I learn in Ed. Psy. at home with Dawson. It was a little akward at first being the only mom in class and my stomach growing every week instead of being cute and little like all the other girls in class but I feel good about what I am doing and I'm glad we didn't wait to have kids. I think I have overcome that fear of people looking down on me because we had children so young. I know what we are doing is right and I'm very proud to be a mommy, no matter what circumstnace I'm in. I'm glad to have to the summer off to be at home with Dawson adn Ellie but I know I'm looking forward to the fall as well when classes start again. Just wish me luck that I won't have Ellie before finals. They say I will probably have her around Mother's Day weekend (9-11) even though I'm not due until the 21st. My last final is May 8th!!!

Roll Tide!

2008-04-14T18:22:00.000-07:00

So I'm not very good at keeping up with this blog. Maybe after classes are finished in three weeks ( I can hardly wait!!!) I will have more free time. Though that seems like an unlikely event considering we will be adding another member to our family....maybe it will get better. This past weekend was really fun. Kim and Curtis came and spent the weekend with us and even though not everything turned out exactly as we had planned, I throughly enjoy it and I can't wait till they can move up here and we can hang out all the time.

I did learn a few important lessons this weekend. First and foremost, my child's name is not Dawson, it's Dolphin (only if you are asking Kaeli though!). I'm considering getting it changed since she cannot seem to remember that dolphins swim in the ocean and Dawson is the little boy who walks by and pushes her. Yes, he's a bully but he does it out of love. Remember how we use to chase boys around the playground and try to kiss them?....same thing, same result. Second, investing in solid furniture to put toys in is VERY important. Dawson has a lot of his smaller toys in a plastic storage bin/shelf thing that, until this weekend, has never been empited before. For some reason he decided that ALL the toys belonged on the floor in his room. So he managed to pull all three drawers out and dump the toys out on the floor. I am very OCD about how his toys are organized ( I know, they are just toys but it's something I'm working on) and it took awhile to place them in their proper place that night. Luckly the boys cleaned up the rest of the house while I sorted toys. I tried not to notice all the misplaced things or the poorly folded clothes since they were trying to do something nice for Mommy....I really did appreciate it though and I loved hearing them sing our clean up song as they were working. Third, the sheriff's department here has some crappy officers. We won't go into detail about the deputy who thought he knew so much about children that when Dawson was having a meltdown ( it was nap time and he was hungery, he rarely ever does this) that he could come and tell me that I was hurting my child. Dawson was sitting on my shoulders ( at 8 1/2 months, he doesn't fit on my hip anymore!) and he crying because he wanted to walk. With an extra 70 thousand people on campus, that was not about to happen! Anyway, the guy was a total jerk, totally inappropriate and I think he felt a little stupid after the look Kim gave him and his partner taking my side of the story. I could understand if I was yelling at him or spanking him but he was just sitting on my shoulders and I was simply holding on to his ankles. Oh well. I think that guy was bored being there anyway. LOL, I wish I could have caught the look on Kim's face in a picture though. Worth a thousand words!!!! Fourth, things work out in the end. We, being Kim and I and ALL the kids, didn't ever make it into the stadium for the A Day game but I am glad we didn't. We watched it from the comfort of our house with ALL the babies asleep and our very smart and thoughtful husbands got sunburnt sitting in the stands. James told me later that they went the oposite direction of everyone else when the gates opened. Result?....they spent the next two hours baking in the sun. I'm glad I didn't get sunburnt or the babies. So it worked out in the end after all. And last but not least, goldfish are better in smaller containers. All who were there know what I am talking about. Enough said.

All things considered, I enjoyed this weekend and it was a change of pace from our normal weekends. It was nice to forget about school and finals for a few days and spend time with people I have been close to for a long time.

Our weekend

2008-04-07T13:00:00.000-07:00

It's been a few days since I've posted something. It was one of those weekends that everything seemed to happen at the same time. Of course we had General Conference but we stayed home and watched it since Dawson was sick with a runny nose and fever. We went to Target Saturday to get him some medicine and there was a car show there. The boys have been talking about going to it for weeks so we walked around for a little while to see all the 'cool cars'. Ok, Dawson and James walked around. At 8 1/2 months prego, I waddle more than I walk and since I've already been diluated for the past month, I can't waddle around to much. Dawson had to copy everything Dad did and was so cute trying to see all the motors. There was a fire engine and ambulance there as well. Anyone who has been around Dawson knows he LOVES fire engines. I couldn't count the number of books he has on them. The fire fighters were nice enough to let him climb in the truck and play around inside. He was a little scared at first (they are pretty big!) but after Dad got in there, he was thrilled to death! We also got to go the park with Brooklyn and Aidan on Friday. Dawson stays at their house while I go to class everyday. They had a lot of fun playing and we made it home right before it started raining
Conference was really good as well. My favorite thing though was during Elder Ballard's talk at the end of the last sessions, Dawson woke up and watched it with us. I don't know if you noticed his tie but Dawson has one JUST like it. Dawson was a little upset that he had his tie on but when Elder Ballard said he wanted to talk to the children, I told Dawson to listen very closely because this man was very close to Heavenly Father and if he said something, it was just like if Heavenly Father was talking to him. I didn't think he would care but he sat up and really listened! James had walked out of the room and came back in during Pres. Monson's testimony. Dawson ran up to him and said "Daddy, daddy, he's talking to me!" It really touched me to here that. I hope Dawson always remembers that the leaders of the church are talking to him, no matter what his age is! It was a fun weekend but between everything, we are worn out. We're going to sleep a lot this week and get ready for the A Day game this coming up Saturday. We are so excited and can't wait for Kim and Curtis to come up with the girls and play with us!

Toes in the sand

2008-04-02T22:29:00.000-07:00

Today was such a normal day. The only thing interesting was I took a test. I feel overconfident that I did well on it so I'm afraid I failed it. You know what I mean? And I got to talk to Crystal for awhile today. It always makes my day to talk to my big sis. I hope everyone is feeling better! The picture is just for you Crys.... I don't know how Dawson got the webbed toes in the family but there they are. Maybe he won't notice them when he gets older!

It's five o'clock somewhere

2008-04-01T20:57:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we had the chance to go to Gulf Shores for the weekend. My best friend, Emily, was getting married there and we took the oppurtunity to make a mini vaction out of it. I love going to Gulf Shores. I think part of it is the fact that it's the beach and part of it is because I spent most of my childhood there. The place is small enough to know your way around easily and big enough to have lots of things to do.

We spent most of our time with Emily at her wedding but we did get to go to the beach for a few hours on Saturday. It was still a little cold and the water wasn't quite ready to get in but that didn't stop James at all. He's such a little kid at the beach. He jumped in fully dressed Friday night! We even got Dawson in there for a few mintues but he didn't enjoy it to much! He would rather play in the sand or chase the sea gulls than go swimming.

Sunday we went to church with Mom. It was so good to see everyone again. It's been about 8 months since we have had the chance to go back to Monroeville. It still looks the same. I don't know if it will ever change. Dawson got to ride on Marion's tractor and he thought that was awesome. He has a book about tractors and for some reason he remembered that Marion's was blue. Everytime we read the book he tells us that's Marion's tractor. All the way down there Friday he kept asking if he could ride on it and now that's all he talks about. He's told everybody that he sees that he got to ride on that tractor. Silly boy!

We have a cat named Midnight. He's just a regular black cat but Dawson loves him to death. This morning when I went to get Dawson out of bed, I told him that I loved him like normal. He looks over at Midnight and says "Midnight love Dawson?" He just stares at the cat for a minute than says, "Midnight can't tell me" I told him when he purs he's saying he loves him. It was a cute moment for me.

In the begining....

2008-03-31T20:32:00.000-07:00

I finally started my own blog. Everyone else has one and I decided it was time for me to join the crowd. So what do I say now?

I guess a little background is useful. James and I met at a church activity almost four years ago. We both knew right away that we were meant for each other, a little cheesy I know but true. We were married six months later and have been going strong ever since.

We have Dawson who is two and a half ( close to it at least) and he is ALL boy. He's already broken a finger and his front tooth. He has a gentle side and sometimes he lets it shine through but it's usually the rough and tumble part that makes itself most known. We really enjoy having him around. He's always making us laugh and doing cute things. He'll be starting preschool in the fall with his little sister. We'll be having little miss Eloise (Ellie) Michelle in about 6 weeks. We're really excited about that!

James sells insurance for Liberty National and does a great job doing it. I never thought he would be the type to wear a suit to work everyday but he seems to love doing it. He's a people person and can talk to anyone about anything so I guess it's only fitting he sells things for a living. I'm going back to school for elementary education. I have about 2 years left all together. I didn't think I would enjoy leaving Dawson everyday and go to class but I feel more like myself again since I've started school. Now I'm doing something just for me and I really enjoy it. I'm taking the summer off since I'm having a baby but I will start again in the fall.

Well I guess that about covers it. Hopefully I will get better at this!